"Sun Bleached Flies" by Ethel Cain
Reflection
I’m the type of person who really enjoys listening to new music and typically doesn't listen to the same songs and albums over and over again. However, once in a while, I stumble upon an artist that I can’t stop listening to. I found Ethel Cain last summer and have been consistently listening to her music since then. Her storytelling is really compelling and relatable, and her voice is haunting in the best way possible. If you like this song, I highly recommend checking out her catalog.
This song, “Sun Bleached Files”, is the second-to-last song on an album that tells the fictional story of a character named Ethel Cain. The album is a story of Ethel rejecting the faith she grew up with, coming to terms with past abuse and trauma inflicted by her Dad and the church, running away from home, and getting killed by a lover she meets while on the run. This song takes place after she dies and is in heaven, reflecting on her life on earth.
God loves you, but not enough to save you
This line jumps out at me both because of its seemingly sacrilegious conatations but also because of the questions that it alludes to. Such as, if God loves us so much, why does He let horrific things happen to us and the people we love? Just this week, we witnessed yet another seemingly senseless act of violence carried out against young kids at school. Why didn’t He intervene to save these innocent kids? At times, it does seem like there is a contradiction between a loving God and allowing these things to happen. I don’t have a satisfactory answer. It is something that I’ll probably wrestle with for the rest of my life. Art, like this song, can help to find solace in the fact that I’m not alone in asking these questions.
If it's meant to be then it will be
I forgive it all as it comes back to me
The song continues with Ethel working through regrets of her past and remembering past traumas. She decides that it isn't worth holding onto her past pain and instead forgives the people and circumstances that have harmed her. While it is great that she is coming to grips with her past, it is too late to truly make things right.
The song ends with a longing and desire to fix what is broken. It is too late for Ethel, but it isn’t too late for you and me. While I’m probably not going to be able to prevent horrific things from happening, I can forgive people that have wronged me, ask for forgiveness from people I have hurt, and work through my past traumas so maybe I can experience a glimpse of “that house in Nebraska” that Ethel idealizes here on earth. We are still left with wondering why God would allow these things to happen in the first place. So, come quickly Lord Jesus.
Links
Lyrics
Sun bleached flies sitting in the windowsill
Waiting for the day they escape
They talk all about that money and how their babies are always changing while they're breathing in the poison of the paint
What I wouldn't give to be in Church this Sunday
Listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing
God loves you, but not enough to save you
So, baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself
So I said fine, 'cause that's how my daddy raised me
If they strike once then you just hit 'em twice as hard
But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me
Then this heart would break and fall as twice as far
We all know how it goes
The more it hurts, the less it shows
But I still feel like they all know, and that's why I can never go back home
And I spend my life watching it go by from the sidelines
And God, I've tried, but I think it's about time I put up a fight
But I don't mind 'cause that's how my daddy raised me (How my daddy raised me)
If they strike once then you just hit 'em twice as hard
But I always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me
So I just prayed and I keep praying and praying and praying
If it's meant to be then it will be
So I met him there and told him I believe
Singing if it's meant to be then it'll be
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (Back to me)
If it's meant to be then it will be
So I met him there and told him I believe (I believe, yeah)
Singing if it's meant to be then it will be (Oh, oh)
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (It comes back to me)
If it's meant to be then it'll be (It'll be, it'll be, it'll be)
So I met him there and told him I believe (Yeah)
Singing if it's meant to be then it will be
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (Oh)
I'm still praying for that house in Nebraska
By the highway, out on the edge of town
Dancing with the windows open
I can't let go when something's broken
It's all I know and it's all I want now
Questions
Do you think forgiveness can bring healing and closure to past traumas, even if it's too late to make things right?
What do you think Ethel Cain's idealized "house in Nebraska" represents, and what is your own idea of a perfect place or moment?
How has music or other forms of art helped you find solace or process difficult emotions?
In what ways can we work towards preventing or addressing the causes of violence and suffering in the world, even if we cannot fully eliminate them?
Playlist
I’ve created a playlist with all of the songs we’ve featured so far.
Hi, Matthew. This is such a beautifully written reflection. As someone who struggled with faith, left Christianity for a while, and then decided to return, it left me teary-eyed and reassured that I’m not alone in this lifelong journey of asking questions about God.