“Sleep” by Typhoon
Reflection
Buried deep on my computer’s hard drive is a document titled “Don’t Cry for Me.” I forget when I had the idea, but about 15 years ago I recognized that I would die. It wasn’t a revelation, but it was an honest grappling. Facing off the possibility that even if I died young, the life I have lived has been good and is worthy of gratitude. I began listing all my favorite memories, the best gifts I’ve received by starting a sentence with, “Don’t cry for me.” It’s a list I maintain to this day.
Don’t cry for me, I’ve married my best friend. Don’t cry for me, I knew my four grandparents well. Don’t cry for me, I’ve woken to a moose in my campsite. Don’t cry for me, I’ve seen the Sistine Chapel and the Statue of David. Don’t cry for me, I’ve danced with my daughter.
Each statement comes with a multitude of memories. These are some of my most prized possessions. No one can take them from me. But I can lose them. That’s the concept behind Typhoon’s entire album Offerings. The album starts with the haunting statement, “Listen, of all that you’re about to lose, this will be the most painful.” Lent is about the acknowledgement of mortality and the reality of death. But what would be more painful? Death or the loss of memory? Our memories—specific moments of time we inhabited that shaped us both through event and connection to another—define who we are. Without those memories, how do we distinguish ourselves from another?
Now it's the time, the last liferaft leaving my mind
As it sinks out of sight
Would you stay for a while – put your gnarled hands into mine?
Hold me down
This picture of an elderly couple locking hands makes me think of my grandparents. My grandmother suffered from memory loss. As her mind’s ability to hold memories weakened, my grandfather lovingly stayed by her side. He adapted. He grew. He softened. And as I think back about how he cared for her, I can see that he “held her down”. He called her by her name, Hilda. He reminded her—and us—of the stories. He remembered what she liked, what she didn’t, and what she needed. It makes me believe that it isn’t just our memories that make us who we are. It’s the people who love us. Even without memories, even in confusion, we aren’t destined to an undifferentiated self. It’s more than our memories that distinguish us from others and connect us. Others see us. Others know us. Others use their memory to hold on to us, and because of that, we never really drift away.
Despite the melancholy idea explored in the song, there’s hope. After an interlude of static and quiet, cheering voices break out. I don’t know why, but I imagine a bar scene. People have their arms around one another, smiling as they greet each other with song. It’s the hope of resurrection. Of new life, wholeness, and perfect healing. The lame walk. The blind see. We remember everything—perfectly. And Jesus leads the bar-room singing:
Out of time and out of place
From the mortal coil deliver
To the great expanse found in the space
Between celestial fissures
Where the sick or soft of mind
Where they're hardly disfigured
You shed your clothes, you jump the boat
And join us in the river
Links
Lyrics
One, two, three, four
We can all agree it's a mixed bag for the living
Full of sorrow, full of grief
I ransacked the place for the single thought that could comfort me
Something small, something sweet
It was once in the spring, you were on the porch, I heard you singing
From inside, sat and listened through the screen
Now it's the time, the last liferaft leaving my mind
As it sinks out of sight
Would you stay for a while – put your gnarled hands into mine?
Hold me down
I feel so light, I could just float away
Just don't let me go to sleep
So long, my sweet
Maybe next time that we meet
We'll be whole, we'll be weightless, we'll be free
Don't let me go to sleep
Just don't let me go to sleep
Just don't let me go to sleep
It's a mixed bag for the living
Full of sorrow, full of grief
And the moment stretches on
Like the first day school and I've answered wrong
Like a self-enclosed short circuit goes
Like a self-enclosed short circuit goes around forever until it's gone
Ayyy...
Out of time and out of place
From the mortal coil deliver
To the great expanse found in the space
Between celestial fissures
Where the sick or soft of mind
Where they're hardly disfigured
You shed your clothes, you jump the boat
And join us in the river
We were born in the shadow of a callous certainty
Since no one has returned from behind the curtain
I guess we all just have to wait and see
We build a tall ivory tower, tallied all our victories
Before all the noise and violent toys
Our strength was in the moment when we were weak
Out of time and out of place
From the mortal coil deliver
To the great expanse found in the space
Between celestial fissures
Where the sick or soft of mind
Where they're hardly disfigured
You shed your clothes, you jump the boat
And join us in the river
For Further Reflection
Consider listening to “Billy Stay” by Zach Bryan. It’s a gut-wrenching and beautiful song about an elderly couple conversing about their life and love together as Billy battles his fading mind.
What are some of your favorite memories? Make a list. Consider how those memories have shaped you.
Read and reflect on Revelation 21:1-5